… “Congratulations or Best Wishes” …
… Clapping, Stomping and Whistling?..
Where to begin? Yes, we have become less formal. No calling cards, just business cards now. Only people who own true estates have a butler who answers the door. A valet who helps dress our gentlemen and a lady’s maid are things of the past.
Today we have stylists who dress the stars for the Oscars, the rest of us rely upon hopefully a “professional wardrobe consultant” found on the “Designer Floors” of the upper-end stores. Most of us just go to the store and muddle our way through purchasing an outfit. Of course, if you had read The School of Flaunt Handbook, Lesson One: Wardrobe, “From Runway to Reality” this would not be a problem. Did you hear us clearing our throats now? Capisce!
But why are we talking about the past versus present? Because there are still some rules that you should follow. We know the latest generation doesn’t care for rules, but etiquette rules do make situations in life just so much easier. You will find that you do not insult people or make them feel awkward, when you follow a few simple rules. Bottom line, it keeps you from inserting foot into mouth. That is a dreaded disease, and you will find that it tastes bad too!
Now let us begin.
Recently on Facebook a wonderful woman announced her marriage. At our last count, we saw seventy three responses with all but seven saying, “Congratulations.”
Those remaining seven said, “Best wishes,” “Wishing You a Lifetime of Happiness” or something in that vein.
Old school still counts here. When you wish a bride congratulations, you might as well be high fiving her after the ceremony too. You are implying this, “Hey girlfriend, I never thought you would get someone to marry you. Lucked out here!” Or possibly, “Wow, you finally got a rich one.” It is on the same level with saying, “Are you pregnant?” when a woman announces she is engaged. People, what are you thinking? Obviously, not much! The next thing we know you’ll be slapping the bride on her back too and saying “Atta girl!”
The totally appropriate thing to say to the bride is, “Best wishes.” You may follow this comment with “You look beautiful today.” Or. “I want to wish you a life time of happiness with your wonderful husband.”
The groom is who you congratulate. He is the one who won the fair lady’s hand.
This is not rocket science, people! You congratulate someone when they won the lottery, got a job promotion, graduated from college, etc. Congratulations are an expression of joy in the success or good fortune of another! The groom’s good fortune was when his bride said, “Yes.”
Now today with gay marriage being legalized, this brings up another topic. What to say to the happy couple? If the couple is gay, we suggest that you wish the gentlemen both “Congratulations.” And if the couple is lesbian wish them both “Best Wishes.” Easy-breezy! Of course, you can follow these comments with something appropriate such as, “You look so handsome or beautiful today.” Or, “I’m so thrilled to have been here today to share in your happiness.” Was that so hard?
Just remember. think before you speak!
Secondly, we wanted to also cover the after-marriage ceremony where people clap as the bride and groom kiss and then walk down the aisle. In years past, people would never have dreamed of clapping after the ceremony because, well, frankly, it just wasn’t done. Do the Royals clap after their ceremonies? Can’t you see HRH
Queen Elizabeth clapping after a royal ceremony? We think a big NOT! But for the commoners now, which includes all of us, it is customary to applaud.
But who starts the applause? The Officiate, introducing the newly married couple?
Someone that was chosen by the bride and groom who is in attendance? So just wait until you hear that first clap before clapping yourself. You are not the cheerleader here!
And speaking of cheerleading. We have heard that someone yelled after a ceremony was completed “Roll Tide.” We are cringing here. Unless the groom was a football player for Alabama, that is just a “little too much.” No, it is too much! The next thing we know, they will be handing out shakers that the fans use at football games that everyone can shake as the bride and groom come down the aisle. We are making a face here, and it is not a good one! Ew!!
Now we have to add here, if the bride and groom are really football fans and loved their alma mater that might be a really fun idea, for when they are “leaving the reception”, to have the guests all shaking shakers with the colours of the bride and groom’s alma maters. Then you can yell, “Roll Tide.” Note: Remember if the groom graduated from Ol’ Miss, don’t ever yell “Roll Tide.” Just saying.
And lastly, please, gentlemen no whistling, stomping or yelling Yeehaw after the ceremony either. Lord, help us! If in doubt, please read The School of Flaunt Handbook, Lesson Seventeen: “SOF” Womb to Tomb. “Milestones: Baptisms, Bar & Bat Mitzvahs, Debutante Balls, Weddings and Funerals”
Wishing you a flaunt fabulous wedding!
Your Divas of Good Taste and Manners,
Alexandra Smythe and Cate Clarke
[Image Credit: Josh Felise / StockSnap]
Posted on November 12, 2015 in Etiquette Spa by Cate Clarke Alexandra Smythe